Plantitaz 101: Pothos

🌿 Let’s Talk Pothos — The Plant That’s Supposedly “Impossible to Kill”... And Yet, Somehow I Did 😅

Everyone on TikTok: “Omg pothos are sooo easy, they’re the best beginner plant, you literally can’t kill them.”

Me: Challenge accepted.

Look, I wanted to be a plantita so bad. I had the cute pots, the filtered water, even the Spotify playlist for plant growth. But my pothos? She said ✨no thanks✨ and started dying the moment I cared too much.

🪴 Plant Care Tip: Forget She Exists

If you wanna keep your pothos alive... ignore her. Deadass. The moment you start treating her like your emotional support plant, misting her, singing to her, adjusting her angles every other day, she starts spiraling.

With my lil pothos girl gang (RIP to the ones I loved too hard 😔), I’ve learned that this plant lives for low-key, borderline toxic relationships. Like water her only when she looks a lil crispy, give her some indirect sunlight, and keep it pushing. Don’t give her attention. Don’t even look at her too long. Just let her trail and vibe in the corner like the baddie she is.

Moral of the Story:

Treat her like your ex.

Keep her in the background, don’t text first, and she’ll flourish.

💅 Same Girl, Different Look: They All Want the Same Thing

Whether she’s a Neon Pothos, Marble Queen, Golden, or Jessenia, let me tell you right now: they all want the same lazy love.

Don’t let the different outfits fool you. One might be giving lime green glow-up and the other is out here in creamy variegation, but at their core? They’re all drama-free divas who thrive when you leave them alone.

And girl, let me put you on real quick:

My thriving queen right now? The $9 pothos I grabbed from the sad clearance shelf at Walmart. She was droopy, crusty, and looking like she had just been through a breakup... and now she’s the Sabrina Carpenter of my plant wall.

You do not have to drop $40 at a fancy nursery. Just check your local Walmart, Lowe’s, or even the grocery store. A little love (but not too much!), light, and neglect, and she’ll show out for you.

✂️ How to Propagate Like a Chunti

Wanna make more pothos babies? Bet. It’s easier than getting the chisme at your cousin’s quince.

All you gotta do is snip, dip, and vibe 💅 But before you go Edward Scissorhands on your plant, here’s how to do it right:

Step 1: Find the Node

Look for that lil bumpy part where the leaf stem meets the vine. It kinda looks like a chunky elbow or a baby knuckle. That’s where all the magic happens.

Step 2: Cut Right Below the Node

Make a clean lil diagonal cut under the node—not above, not on it. That’s the sweet spot for root growth. It’s giving ✂️ precision and ✨ power.

Step 3: Water & Chill

Toss that cutting in a cute lil jar of water (bonus points if it’s aesthetic af). Put her somewhere bright but not sunny, and let her soak up the good vibes.

In a week or two, you’ll see roots pushing out like “hey bestie 😌🌱”

💡 Pro Tip: name her while she’s rooting. Something dramatic like Lupita or La Tóxica. She’ll grow faster out of pure spite.

Final Thoughts

So yes, I killed a pothos. Maybe two. But I also learned that some plants, just like some people, do best when you let them breathe and mind their business.

Now excuse me while I go ignore my plants and watch them thrive ✨